Update from Jessica Rasdall 5/2009

Dear friends, family and Sobersmile supporters, 

It’s hard to believe that it’s been one year since I was sentenced to four years in prison. At the time, I didn’t know how I would make it, or even if I could. But a year later, I can say that I’m making it in here …one day at a time.

First, I would like to say THANK YOU to everyone who has stuck by me these past three years. Thank you for your prayers, kind words, cards, letters, etc.  – they always bring a much-needed smile to my face. Thank you for not giving up on me. Second, I receive so many letters asking about what I do all day, that I would like to give everyone an update about what I’ve been doing this past year.  

I am currently serving my sentence in the “Youthful Offender” (YO) program at Lowell Correctional Institution in Ocala, FL. It is a 16-hour day, military-style program for women under 25 who were sentenced to 10 years or less. We get up at 4:45 a.m. for PT (physical training) and spend a good part of the day marching. A “hat color” system is used to display our progression within the program. I am currently in my blue hat. This is a huge honor, as it is the highest rank one can achieve under this program. My blue hat symbolizes my dedication to helping others, my hard work and leadership within the program.  

Since I got here, I have also worked as the teacher’s aide for the “Title One” program and developed in-dorm classroom curriculum and tutoring to help the younger women earn their GEDs. I have also worked as a laundry worker, participated on the drill team and PT squad. For the past 5 months, I have also been part of a “Modality” program – an intensive substance-abuse certification course. Besides substance abuse, it covers other areas like dealing with guilt, anger and other practical life skills. I am about to graduate and was offered the opportunity to become a peer facilitator upon completion. Needless to say, I stay busy.  

My life as I once knew it has been put on hold. But I am happy to say that I am about to start a college correspondence course. I spend a lot of my time helping others here further their education, and I am very much looking forward to continuing mine as well. I feel blessed that I have been afforded the opportunity to help others while encarcerated. It gives me a sense of accomplishment, and hope that I serve a purpose in being here; a purpose that fits into a “bigger plan.”  

Although it’s been over three years since the accident, I still struggle every day with the pain that I’ve caused. The guilt is crippling, and at times, consumes me completely. Every day, I wake up inside these gates, behind razor wire. I can’t help but relive that nightmare over and over every day. Dealing with “prison life” is hard, but eventually you adjust (somewhat.)  But waking up in here every day, knowing why I’m here, makes this place unbearable. No matter how bad it is to be here, one day, this sentence will come to an end. But the pain and destruction that I’ve caused can never be repaid. Laura will never be replaced and I will never be whole again.  

It is through your constant support that I am able to stay focused and make it through this.  Thank you for all your thoughts and prayers. They mean more than you’ll ever know. God bless you,

Jessica Rasdall